c'est moi

so I'm a thirty-something, soon to be forty-something mother, wife, lenten iron-chef... I keep a daily blog as a sort of discipline to myself. to track the hours that turn into days, the thoughts and experiences that turn into a life. I try to live it with some passion, with compassion, with as much fearlessness as I can muster. some days are better than others, but that's how it goes, and that's what this is supposed to chronicle.  what is light without darkness to silhouette and sharpen and define. it's a small space carved out.  it's growing on me.

sometimes others can speak your own mind so well:
I'm still pushing very hard for the life that I want. One of the things that I discovered about going after dreams (in a head strong way), is that you have to deal with the fact that there is a good amount of obsessing that goes on, there is definitely stubbornness, and for sure a good healthy heap of selfishness. All qualities that would be disappointing to hear about yourself, if this was indeed how someone described you to others. You can scoop all those adjectives up and package them neatly into one word, asshole. And it ends up sounding something like, "Yeah that guy Ryan, he is a little bit of an asshole."
The thing about it is, when people put their heads down and end up achieving these grand things they are after, or they live extraordinary lives, people tend to replace the words: obsessive becomes focused, stubbornness becomes determined, and selfish becomes self worth. Maybe that's just because they end up with a good PR agent :) Who knows?