little shavings from my ration of light

2012-02-13T20:08:00.000-08:00

sitting here in a bit of a daze, post nap, post dinner, waiting for K.
I am too tired to go the the pool tonight.
downloading You've Got Mail for my ipod.
in the meantime, listening to The Gospel According to Mark by Jorge Luis Borges.
did you know there is a government website where you can study almost any language?
got a call for a french immersion class this week.
the house is always quieter sans girl.
*yawn* buenas noches mis amigos.

my dilemma

2012-02-13T11:34:00.000-08:00

¡adiós mi niña!

2012-02-13T09:15:00.002-08:00

sooo early. I think I got about 4hrs sleep last night. no wait, I said that wrong... I know I got only 4hrs of sleep. bed at midnight (what was I thinking? I wish I knew), up at 4am to be on the highway by 4:30. though it was a domestic flight, I still like to be early, traffic and airports being what they are.
the alarm went, we jumped out of bed, no time for showers, just get dressed, make coffee, rifle through cupboards for travel mugs, fill with hot coffee, hit the highway.
we made good time getting there. breakfast at airport timmy's, bags checked in, couple of magazines purchased, goodbye's, hugs, you've got your passport? will text you when I get there! love you! travel safe!
she meets her group in Toronto today, and they all fly to Nicaragua as a group tomorrow. I think there are about 18 or 20 going. she has her cell. she will text when she can. she has her camera. she doesn't know the address of her host family but will send it along when she gets there.
¡Que una aventura! La fortuna sonríe a los audaces.

2012-02-13T09:15:00.001-08:00

2012-02-12T22:19:00.001-08:00

I took this one a few weeks ago for a friend. actually a whole bunch like these... I sort of enjoy this process. of a very contrived image. there's so much you can do with this.

the sweetness of this image is being contrasted, at this moment, with the sound of two teenaged boys trying trying trying to clean the kitchen together. somebody save me.

Canada World Youth and my girl:

2012-02-12T16:01:00.001-08:00

tomorrow my girl leaves for Nicaragua with Canada World Youth for six weeks. she certainly doesn't let the grass grow under her feet. we will miss her. and her cooking :) I'm so excited for her. Paris, now Central America. oh, to be 19 and have the path fresh before you.
farewell dinner tonight at the grandparents and I drive her into the city bright and early. well, at least early. I doubt we'll have any brightness at 4:30am. that. is. early.

2012-02-12T15:31:00.000-08:00

om-nom-nom

2012-02-11T11:38:00.001-08:00

krispy kreme! my old nemesis! we meet again... mmmmmm... we don't have one in my town (for which my thighs and butt are thankful) but there are occasional fundraisers and people will truck them in for the unwitting masses to gorge themselves on for a day. I bought one. just a single donut, then left quickly before my resolve died in a whole box of sweet delicious fatty goodness.

me and the girl before the gift hunting trip went on a complete speed-wobble and ended with me driving home tight-lipped, too fast and fuming. don't come up with your own ideas! just keep shooting mine down! let's just keep wandering and driving aimlessly in search of the impossibly perfect gift*. I had nothing better to do this saturday morning. arg. I'm home. I'm blogging. I'm going to change and take dog for a walk. he rarely makes me angry.

the ebb and the flow

2012-02-11T10:08:00.000-08:00

I would rather watch a documentary than bad tv
I would rather read non-fiction than fiction
I would rather learn a language than listen to an audiobook
I would rather drink green juice than not
I would rather listen to old music than anything new
I would rather blog than sew

why, self? ¿que pasa?
this is not me. or, never used to be.
curiouser and curiouser.

blogging on the run again!

2012-02-10T16:29:00.001-08:00

hurryhurryHURRY!!
home from work, rush to gym for quick swim and ride
back home to change and get ready
out for parish council dinner tonight. yay! no, I'm not on parish council, no, no, no.
so why am I going? I'm a party crasher...

2012-02-09T22:07:00.001-08:00

Forgotten Language

by Shel Silverstein

Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions
of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying
flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers. . . .
How did it go?
How did it go?

I was 15

2012-02-09T17:41:00.000-08:00

when this song was hot. noticed the acid-washed jeans she was wearing?
those were so hot. oh yeah baby.and the big hair. and even bigger bangs.
I heard this on my 80's playlist the other day. brought me back to Burger King, 1988.
15yrs old. my first job. my first big crush. Tony. sigh. alas, it went unrequited.
but the big hair didn't.

lessons learned

2012-02-09T17:19:00.000-08:00

dishes are infinitely patient and will wait all day for you. even with three able-bodied teenagers in the house
I need something hot to eat for lunch or it doesn't feel like lunch. and if I don't get it I end up eating something ~~so comforting~~ so bad for me on the drive home. I really need to plan for this better.
you should not tease gr.2's about picking their noses if they finish their work early. they will take you up on it every time :P
the giant keg of no-name powdered laundry detergent is the cheapest you can buy, but the lid is impossible to get off.
fabric softener is expensive and unnecessary (though the love of perfuming our clothes is compelling I'll grant you)
a keyboard can hold a lot of crumbs
mint leaves do not make vegetable juice taste ANY better. trust me.*
husband not being home tonight makes 'popcorn for dinner' sound a lot more tempting (especially if you caved to an impulse buy of buffalo wings popcorn seasoning...)
it's hard to take an unskewed, unblurry, properly lighted picture of yourself in a bathroom mirror (and come to that, to take a face-up photo without looking all zoolander blue steel :P )
the end.

*I should mention that I take a perverse pride in my ability and determination to drink this stuff everyday. no, I don't understand me either.

gather round for today won't come again...

2012-02-08T17:07:00.001-08:00

songs to fortify the soul: I am blessed to be a witness, ben harper. seriously. "I was living a Johnny Cash song..."
not to mention public::bookstore - her words are so raw and yet so well strung together. 'fill in the blanks'? krikey. I am humbled.
contemplating this daily blogging thing. this image capturing. why am I doing it? it seems like such a relentless commitment. I guess because I'm trying to realize each day as it's own gift, though some days seem rather paltry, as far as gifts go... I like to randomly flip through the archives as markers to a life lived.. a life still being lived. in that vein, this quote perfectly captures what I often ask myself:

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

2012-02-08T16:42:00.000-08:00

the rain is back. but it's not colder. so all is well. we can breath water here on the wet-coast and be sustained by it. just..
my tulips are brightening up our space though.
home from work. favourite mug in hand. filled with orange pekoe. warm comfort in a mug.
gr.2's today. one of whom was Mexican. we chatted a wee bit in espagnol.
blogging and pinteresting until K gets home and we head off to the gym.
dinner plans.. nebulous. irritating. oh body! why are your needs so persistent and inconvenient?

2012-02-08T12:34:00.001-08:00

Back to our regularly scheduled program:

2012-02-08T08:13:00.001-08:00

Rain coat. Scarf. Sensible shoes. Sigh.

Juste a l'heure!

2012-02-07T23:53:00.001-08:00

an evening.

2012-02-07T22:45:00.001-08:00

The Triplets of Belleville are legendary in our house (on par with almost anything done by Hayao Miyazaki), and The Illusionist, though a little more tragic, does not dissapoint. The animation is breathtaking. lovely. mesmerizing. gorgeous. lush. antique. like TToB, dialogue is minimal and not necessary. We watched this on Canadian netflix, though I hear you can't see it on USA netflix. Tant pis! C'est dommage! get it where and if you can. you won't regret it.

2012-02-07T20:52:00.001-08:00

early spring?

2012-02-07T12:48:00.001-08:00

just got back from an excellent walk in the woods with Cousteau. I haven't done that walk since december. It was so warm and smelled like an early warm spring day, I swear it did! oh man... I love the fraser valley.
this video of two different gi tracts digesting processed vs. unprocessed foods was kinda blech to watch, but it reaffirmed my food mantra: "eat food, not too much, mostly vegetables"
you know what I just drank? 2 carrots, half a beet with beet greens, 2 apples, half a peeled cucumber, and greens. *gack*hack*blech* disgusting. why why why can't longjohns be good for you?? I'd gladly eat a dozen of those a day for the betterment of my health. le sigh.
*gag* fricking dog just came in, layed down and has been farting non stop for the past 5min. This is the thanks I get for taking him on a nice walk. I'm gonna be sick. I gotta go.

2012-02-06T21:13:00.001-08:00

I love that not only are their outfits matching, but she's even coordinated her eyeshadow.
it's not my favourite thrift store, it's still fun to wander for a bit.
errands, errands, errands...
did you know that once upon a time, tulips were used as a source of currency? no really, it's true. I can't see or buy them now (at $3.99 per bunch) without thinking about that.
dinner tonight with some good friends at yet another irish pub (what is it with irish pubs? do you have one in your area? is this something that the irish in particular do really well or something?). we saw them get married this summer and finally we got to go out for dinner and drinks with them. it was fantastic.

and this one? well, what can I tell you? I'm always in a dancing mood.

2012-02-06T08:52:00.000-08:00

this is me post-gym :D
no call today, so it will be an errands day. which is good, because they have been piling up. like crazy.
the sun is shining again! o happy day.
2nd coffee then I'm off out of the starting gate!!

some days are diamonds...

2012-02-05T21:18:00.000-08:00

this is Bruges, Belgium. If this is where I'd spent the day, I'd call it a diamond.
but I can't call it a rock either. maybe cubic zirconia... it tried real hard, but if you look real close, you can spot the flaws. but it's ok. some days are like that, no?

pre-gym. you don't wanna see post...

2012-02-05T17:50:00.001-08:00

2012-02-05T10:20:00.001-08:00

laughter. this cheered my morning.

struggling with restlessness today.

when I say I need inspiration, it is no small thing that I ask.

reminders for tough times was a good kick in the butt.
(print them and post it on your fridge. just do it ok?)

the sun is shining and I am grateful.

I will polish my home and buy some flowers to decorate it, in celebration of that sunshine.

this will be done to the beat of the 80s, a decade that made the best bright and happy music,
all in primary colours. happy music is important in such moods.
moody music will only make me brood.
(*dancing on the ceiling just came on, I laughed out loud :)

gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight...

music done by sigur ros

2012-02-05T09:52:00.000-08:00

roald dahl

2012-02-05T09:21:00.001-08:00

The day that was, in no particular order:

2012-02-04T17:07:00.001-08:00

saw these at the thrift store today. they're for kids, but I totally want a pair. don't they look comfortable?

happy place!

2012-02-04T17:05:00.001-08:00

of bagels and children:

2012-02-04T11:54:00.000-08:00

what do you do when your teenaged children make total crap decisions that you have advised them against? - You make bagels. no, really. just make some bagels. seriously, what else are you going to do? they're too old to be homeschooled , there are likely no ready made towers available in your locality (at a reasonable price) to lock them up in, you know you don't have the money for military school. so just make bagels, and pray that the fallout from their total crap decisions is nothing too horrible. And when it gets really bad, repeat this quietly to yourself (as you make your bagels) "they are not pregnant, they are not addicted, they are not incarcerated...they are not pregnant, they are not addicted, they are not incarcerated, etc."
Happiness, it turns out, is all about not setting the bar too high.
Seriously folks, if you don't have a teenager, get one. It does wonders for the aging process. and who doesn't love a good bagal?

2012-02-03T23:31:00.001-08:00

friday: treat day for the class: video.

Howl's Moving Castle

am I awesome or what?

8 reasons to disuade you from grocery shopping when you're tired + hungry

2012-02-03T20:28:00.000-08:00

artichoke and asiago dip
baguette
hot wings
limoncello
sushi
cheddar & asiago crackers
roasted garlic havarti
double chocolate mcain cake

and this is what is masquerading as dinner in our house tonight.
it's good to be king :)

*addendum: surely went over calorie limit tonight.
worth it.
worth it.
it was so so worth it.
:)

tgif

2012-02-03T15:57:00.001-08:00

What a promising way to end the week. An early spring they say. I am most content :)
I'm thinking maybe the cheap theatre tonight. I've been dying to see Tintin. It's getting good reviews. Not sure if K is up to it. Maybe youngest will come with.. on va voir...

the sky over suburbia

2012-02-02T18:27:00.001-08:00

my phone tries, it really does, but in the end it is just too weak-hearted to show you how glorious this sky really was. it was a marvel. I stopped the car just to stare in wonder for a while.

la chanson du jour: are you? by alex cuba. heard on cbc radio2 ce matin on my commute. it's a toe tapper.

one of the common people

2012-02-02T14:43:00.001-08:00

rent a flat above a shop
cut your hair and get a job...

(by pulp, heard it on the way to work
a very retro sound)

tired of being the nag. tired of kids living like squatters in my house (does this give you an idea of what their rooms must look like?) tired of getting angry everytime I am forced to cross the threshold of their small and squalid domains. not to mention regular chores that are continually neglected until I am forced to breath fire. it's no way to live. gah.

irritated with the barnacles tonight, so I won't cook for them. they can have weiners or dry lentils or whatever. I am going to have some soup, then head to the gym where I can plug some earphones in and forget about how messy my house is for a while. float in the hot tub. swim some laps. come home and have some wine. then some more...

it's a life.

I have always appreciated emerson

2012-02-01T17:14:00.000-08:00

the view on my drive home:

2012-02-01T16:52:00.001-08:00

this bodes well. february has typically not been so kind to me. we are making amends this year...
I'm still eating leftover minestrone and not complaining one bit. it is even better the next day. this is the best minestrone recipe I've come across.
I want to bake tonight maybe..hm. maybe monkey bread. if you click on the link, please ignore the photos (all of them, please!). they're awful. looks more like monkey poop.
the kids I'm working with this week have been excellent. the staff too. it's been a great week so far, and the promise of a sunshiney weekend makes me think that maybe february has finally dropped it's grudge against me...

this morning:

2012-02-01T07:57:00.001-08:00

The lights mean second coffee is very close, and the other photo? Oh yes I did!

fuzzy me, the dog, the laundry

2012-02-01T06:45:00.001-08:00

these are getting more haphazard. sorry. it's an experiment. not sure what kind. time will tell.
I meant to get up early to work on my spanish. early morning may be the only time left in the day for some peace and solitude. when I was doing my undergraduate, late late nights were my quiet time. but I am much ~~too responsible~~ too old, for that kind of nonsense anymore :)
as it is, I got up just in time to get ready, take this picture, post this post, and run.
Happy February all!! May it treat you kindly.

2012-01-31T20:27:00.000-08:00

2012-01-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

my new favourite machine at the gym.
we all five of us went to the gym tonight. the boys to swim, the rest of us to spin-spin-spin (then hottub-hottub-hottub)! I am grateful that, for the most part, my body will still cooperate. someday I know it will not. until then, I will enjoy, and be grateful, for my body's cooperation.

we know too many people (young and old) who are physically incapacitated because of abuse and neglect of their bodies; enough to seriously compromise their lifestyle. I don't want to be physically helpless in my 60s. this is what I aim for.

The early blogger

2012-01-31T06:43:00.001-08:00

It's early. 6:30am. Boys are watching cartoons. I know, so cute right? And making breakfast and lunch. Leftover minestrone for me. K made my coffee. Dog is agitating for food. I'm off. Ciao!

2012-01-30T19:33:00.000-08:00

home from the pool. the boys came. the girl stayed home. they have now all scattered to their own little quiet corners.
endless ocean sloshing around in my ear. one ear. this happens only sometimes when I go swimming. thank garry. it drives me fricking insane. I get completely irrational and have to do deep breathing to calm myself. it's always gone by morning.
I got a call for a whole week with the same gr.4 class. hallelujah! I truly do love gr.4s.
minestrone for dinner tonight with spicy italian sausage. om-nom-nom...
K did an evening shift. he'll be home just in time for some popcorn, Justified, pinot noir, couch.

La vache qui rit

2012-01-30T16:19:00.001-08:00

new favorite. The best part? only 45 calories for both pieces. so yum. I usually have it on celery, but this is what was around.

The view from where I'm sitting:

2012-01-30T14:50:00.001-08:00

Will write an update when I get home (more blogging on the run!)

gr.4's all week. yay! I ♥ gr.4's.

sorry Deb! still no face shot :) had to snap it and run, lest I look like a dorkwad standing in front of a mirrored window taking shot after shot of myself :D

Happy 19th Birthday Girl!!

2012-01-29T19:34:00.001-08:00

2012-01-29T16:35:00.001-08:00

this song is breaking my heart:

2012-01-28T21:18:00.000-08:00

there is a good reason I have always loved ryan adams. he just keeps making good good music.

city days:

2012-01-28T17:46:00.000-08:00

it's my pops 60th birthday today (happy birthday pops!), so we made a trip into the city to his favourite dim-sum restaurant for lunch with the whole fam. It was good to see some old faces.
friction with kidlets and their alternative lives. it's still a little strange to me that I can't just drag them around with me like little pieces of baggage like I used to. they won't tolerate it so much anymore. today was an exception because it's their grandfather's birthday, but otherwise they've got their own weekend lives, their own weekend plans and to make them bend to weekend family plans can make it pretty tense... Right now we still have some leverage being the only ones with viable transportation and money. this won't last forever :P
*not my photo, forgot my camera again (arg!). the dim-sum was good. the service though.. but that's a story for another day :)

2012-01-28T17:13:00.001-08:00

Blogging on the run

2012-01-27T19:17:00.001-08:00

Power was out all day today. Fire at the transformer station. It only went back on late this afternoon. I work out of town so out did not affect my day.
I had a gr.4/5 montessori class today and yesterday. It was a ' jump rope for heart' day, which meant I got to spend the day in yoga wear and runners. So comfy. It was also art day for them so much of the day was spent up to my elbows in tissue paper, glue, and glitter. I love my job.

2012-01-26T20:34:00.000-08:00

art by Lizzy Stewart

somewhere between darkness and light

2012-01-26T19:52:00.000-08:00

there is a mixture of moods in our house. glum on one end, buoyant on the other. middle son has just finished his last exam for this term. he has friends over and they are celebratory.. playing pool, music too loud, jumping all over the place, up and down the stairs like overweight monkeys, mr.noodles explosion in the kitchen. sigh. but I'm glad for them. youth is for that, right?
oldest girl is glum. seems to be glum a lot lately, though she won't thank me for noticing it (or blogging about it, come to that). I am without sympathy, and perhaps this is unjust, but it's an infectious mood and I don't need it. and this is only because I compare her situation to mine at her age and tell myself that she has no reason for self-pity.. if indeed it is self-pity. which I suspect. ah well. I do make an honest effort to bolster her spirits, but it always seems to be of the sort that she really does not appreciate, so I stop. I am being sucked dry of resources and sometimes you have to keep some back just so you can get through your week mostly intact. loving people can be so draining.
K is tired tired and tired. and being tired makes him glum. me too, come to think of it. but I get grumpy and snappy and less able to resist my more harmful impusles. he just gets morose.
youngest boy and I are hovering in between. he has a cheerful disposition, but is sometimes too sensitive to the moods of others. I am on an upswing (moodwise) especially compared to this time last year, and also sensitive to the moods of those around me. I am desperately clinging to some lightness: "Back off! get your own good mood!"
... must secure own face-mask before assisting passenger beside you... and so it goes.

*p.s. this photo is not mine though I am despairingly jealous of whoever took it.

2012-01-26T19:03:00.001-08:00

The view from here:

2012-01-26T12:11:00.001-08:00

I'm following rw's excellent advice and snapping pictures with my phone when I don't have my camera with me. I'm even blogging directly from my phone right now! Oh brave new world.

2012-01-25T23:46:00.001-08:00

When there's nothing to say:

2012-01-25T22:06:00.001-08:00

Except, I must say... I bought this toothbrush today. Because I needed a new toothbrush, and because I hadn't seen such an oldschool toothbrush forever. The new ones are so curvy and multi-coloured and space-age and walk the dog and make you breakfast. It was nice to find something so boxy and practical and old-fashioned.
Did I really just say that? Oh man I'm old.

tuesday trifles:

2012-01-24T18:20:00.000-08:00

apple coleslaw and cheesy spaghetti (old family recipe) tonight. om-nom-nom...
bit of a hum-drum existence lately. this is good, though. I have become really appreciative of 'uneventful'. I'm treading water. not looking for excitement, but maintaining a holding pattern. this is ok.
middle son did not get to do his test last week. he was seriously bummed. they've rescheduled him for early Feb.
the snow is basically gone, almost as quick as it came. what's left is big piles of slushy grossness all over the place, but at doesn't interfere with getting places. that's the way it goes 'round these here parts.
pasta party coming up this weekend at a friend's house. there will be a ravioli pasta maker, and I'll bring my regular one that I've actually never tried. this is gonna be fun.
funny but true story: we went for Indian food on sunday and while perusing the menu I saw 'Mulligatawny'. Seriously! It was kind of hilarious. It sounds like something you'd serve with grits and collard greens. (the link tells the real and interesting history)
I'm on pinterest now. actually I've had it for a while, but have let it get out of hand lately. it's addictive. so I'm posting this and leaving. I promise! no really, I swear!
and finally, if I were a wealthy heiress (and there was no poverty in the world) I would fill my house with Georgia O'Keeffe.

*one last sweet song I leave you with..

Tonight:

2012-01-23T22:06:00.001-08:00

dinner at a lovely new local bistro. pity I didn't have my good camera. this is my phone. food good, resolution, not so much.

thank you for these words

2012-01-22T23:34:00.001-08:00

This is me.

2012-01-22T21:00:00.001-08:00

there is actually little photographic evidence of my existence in our family albums and I am taking some pains to remedy that.
tonight was a good night. indian food with a couple we just met (K went to school with her and we reconnected at his highschool reunion this fall). it's surprising sometimes how easy it is to be with some people who you have never known before. they are really cool and a lot of fun and I look forward to knowing them better.
it was an early dinner, so we're home early enough to watch one show before bed... as soon as we figure out what that will be. good tv is something of an oxymoron, n'est-ce pas?
lastly, this quote sort of made my day today: (ps: stay off of pinterest if you know what's good for you)

reason#482 why I need a trust fund:

2012-01-21T15:55:00.000-08:00

I would love to start an artist's co-op in my town. It's a small town but growing (roughly 70,000 as of 2011). It's also an old town, established sometime in the 1860's, so we've got a pretty authentic looking 'old town'. A popular tv show actually films here regularly down one of our oldest streets. I digress... This is all to say that we have a lot of cheap rental space in some pretty cool old buildings. Store front even, that could be had for a song! So what better place to establish an artist's co-op, with textiles equipment (sergers, sewing machines, weaving looms, dying tubs, silk screening), printing presses, easels, a darkroom with enlargers (also to be had for a song) and all manner of equipment. You would pay a monthly membership fee for use of the facility. Oh man, the possibilities! I need a sugar daddy.
We now have a Cineplex theatre in our town (oh what progress.. it's right next to the walmart. gah!); the old theatre has become the cheap cinema (all movies only $5) and the old-old theatre has been shut down! And it's gorgeous inside! Very old, but vintage finishings (this is it above). And I'd bet my nachos there's hardwood under the scarlet red carpet. So what better place to open a Foreign and Independent Films Theatre? NO better place!! Oh man. I want to see The Artist SO bad, but I really can't make the two hour drive to the city. No, le sigh, I'll just have to wait until it comes out on dvd cuz WE DON'T HAVE a good foreign and independent film theatre. *sob*. I'd make a good heiress.

A happy birthday dinner.

2012-01-20T23:47:00.001-08:00

4 awesome things

2012-01-19T22:58:00.000-08:00

shallots, mushrooms, leeks, white wine.. all wrapped up in a chicken breast. so delish! second awesome: made by daughter.

my favourite winter coat.. red. down-filled. real fur collar. perfect for this weather. cozy.

middle son's test tomorrow. he is very confident. my fingers are crossed.

old rotary dial phones that work whether the power is out or not. they're also a lot of fun to dial.

of pea soup and snow and power outages:

2012-01-18T19:52:00.000-08:00

17 years ago today

2012-01-18T11:47:00.000-08:00

my beautiful boy.

-13 ºC = 8.6 ºF

2012-01-18T10:27:00.000-08:00

to those of you reading east of the rockies, yes, I am a wimp. mon père a grandi à Montréal, but after one hiver here, he swore he'd never go back.
we spent more time on the road today than I'd like. there are white-out warnings for the highways here, and even the regular roads are pretty treacherous. I do not want to go out again today if I don't have to. our power was out briefly this morning too. I'm so grateful it's back on. we're so helpless without it.
thankfully I kept the kids home from school today, although schools were opened. now it turns out they're calling all parents to come and pick their kids up by noon if they can. what a pain.
soaked some dried peas last night, and now I've got a ham-hock simmering in the pot. the house smells positively Quebecois!
here is a small sample of the drive we endured this morning:

an unnecessary freezing of water:

2012-01-17T12:43:00.000-08:00

I must be 'recovered' from my mexico yearnings. I've just glanced back and noticed I haven't posted a vacation photo for quite a few days. and in fact, am gleefully posting picture after picture of the cold white wet stuff. of course, all from the warmth and comfort of the fireside and hot coffee and apple strudel muffins.
though perhaps not completely recovered: I am sitting in a blue gauzy housedress that I bought in Sayulita. it's not as warm as my fleece pajamas, but it is prettier, and reminds me of warmer climes.
around the house: the boys are nattering over mario bros. on the wii, girl has her nose buried in an America's Test Kitchen cookbook, and the snow is coming down thick as ever. the boys will be attacking the driveway with their trusty shovels later again today I think.
K made a quick stop at home today after call. There were two deliveries last night (babies, bien sur). He assisted on one and did another by himself. He came home for a quick shower and change and breakfast and rushed back. He will be a good doctor. He loves this so much.
I don't dare leave the house today. I wouldn't make it back up the hill. I will have to raid the pantry for ingredients already on hand. I am thinking a hot, hearty soup will suit the day.

2012-01-16T18:38:00.000-08:00

tomorrow may be a snow day. we live on a hill, and it's quite often become shut off due to icy roads. the drive this morning was a complete gong show.
rediscovered a new pair of favourite work shoes. my docmartens totally saved the day.
spaghetti for dinner. popcorn and wine and netflix for dessert. We finished Downton Abbey yesterday, sadly. I've gotta find some other British period pieces to watch now. Any recommendations? I'm completely addicted..
I'm also watching spanish films. I may try The Last Zapatistas, Forgotten Heroes.
I keep listening to this song over and over. Their voices are compelling. It's also a mesmerizing video.
we're settling into winter nicely.

It's gonna be one of those days...

2012-01-16T11:05:00.001-08:00

so this was the view today.

look at this stuff. would we call this snow? how about when it's smacking and stinging your face when all you wanted was a nice walk in the snow? blech. but the kids loved it.

this was a poor overturned truck in the median on my way to work. traffic as almost standing still at this point. it took a looooong time to get to work this morning, and the conditions were almost white-out in some spots. actually, a lot of spots. and it took twice the time it usually does to get to work. It's supposed to do this all evening tonight too, so I'm guessing tomorrow will be a snow day. yay! sadly though, for middle son, all driving tests were cancelled today, and likely will be tomorrow too: his booked day. so that will have to wait.

today:

2012-01-15T17:45:00.000-08:00

the view from the passenger seat.
middle son was practicing parallel parking today. he's pretty good. he goes for his test this week. I am quite desperate for him to have it, maybe even more than he is. he thinks he's a minion now...
K is on call this week, and we have dinner with some old friends and dinner with old 'new' friends. both in town, so that will make for less driving.
the dryer is making funny sounds. let's hope it limps along for a bit longer. one tv just died too. the volume just went. it's been replaced by the little sewing room tv. it gets the job done.
apple strudel muffins are on tonight's 'to-do' list. right after dinner. chicken ceasar wraps. mmmmmm.

2012-01-14T13:51:00.000-08:00

an inviting room. not much beyond pictures were accomplished there today. c'est la vie. I'll let the creative urges come and go as they will. forcing them only stresses me out. speaking of creativity, an old friend has some cool pieces for sale.. actually, I think most are already sold, but I'm mostly just a looky-loo anyway. they're bright and positive and compelling peices.
I am loving this site. I really love vintage fashion. Dresses and such that were made for the bodies of real women, and were super feminine and gorgeous and modest. I've watched MadMen just for the dresses.
goals for this year have been written down on paper so as to make them more tangible and keep me more accountable. thanks for this tip rw.
K and I officially booked a hall for this summer for the party of the year. we will be celebrating twenty years of living and loving and fighting and surviving and sometimes even thriving. I'm excited. and grateful . I have a good husband.

2012-01-13T19:19:00.000-08:00

my lovely sister in law. in a church in Yalapa. a lovely, secluded out of the way place about a 2hr boat ride from where we were near Peurto Vallarta.
it's friday. hallelujah. my fingers are all burney from chopping jalepeños for some mexican food I'm preparing. yes, truly. mexican food. with guacamole. and lions winter ale. so delish.
middle boy is sanding dry-wall. youngest is looking for the ipod (where the episodes of downton are). oldest is at work, presumably catching the bus home. K is playing Civilization after a grueling week of work. I am here. with burney fingers. blogging away. and so it goes...
happy weekend to you all.

2012-01-12T09:45:00.000-08:00

we just had two days of beautiful sunshine. it was glorious. and mood improving.
my ankle is much better. I can see my ankle bone again under the swelling. I am looking forward to getting back to the gym. and my long walks. and my long swims.
it is still winter and I am trying to enjoy that fact. though our winters are a little 'fake'. we hardly get any snow, and even then, it never stays more than a few days. however, youngest is agitating for some snowboarding, so perhaps a trip to a snowy mountain is in order. maybe my ankle will let me ski even... on va voir.
I haven't done any baking since we got back, so today will perhaps be a baking day. cookies, monkey bread.
my kids like eating dinner stuff for breakfast. girl had spaghetti this morning. youngest loves to have cold leftovers before and afterschool, although middle son doesn't usually like to eat breakfast at all.
did you know that kicking horse coffee is the best coffee I've tasted this side of the rockies? it really is. if you can finagle some, wherever you are, you really should. I'm off to make my second cup. ciao.

cigar making

2012-01-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

I appreciate craftsmanship of any kind, and I have to say it was pretty darn cool to watch cigars being made. It is a craft, it is a skill. And they smelled so good. Though I don't smoke them myself. I kinda wish I did enjoy smoking cigars. Is that crazy?
There is something so visceral about creating with your hands. Whether it be a dress, a cinnamon bun, a piece of wood furniture, scrollwork signs. It's a fascinating kind of knowledge, when your hands are so familiar with a certain process, have learned so well how to do a certain thing, that you almost don't have to even think about it. It's like that when I'm sewing. I can thread my machine almost without thinking.. or watching even. And spanikopita. The last time I made it I got the girl to video tape the process for posterity, and watching it later, I was amazed at how quickly my hands moved and assembled them.
What are your hands good at?

the bottomless pit...

2012-01-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

of Mexico pictures. expect more. I have tons. plus their cheery colour will keep my spirits up throughout our monotone winter. that was one thing I noticed in Mexico: there is just so much more colour there! We're green here, and brown, but it's all the same palette, and pretty unchanging. I bought a bright metallic fuchsia travel mug yesterday just because the colour was so bright and happy.
this reminds me of a story from the local paper this summer: a local business tried to add some bright colour to their facade and were summarily slapped on the wrist, handed the proper paint chip palette and told to step in line. too funny. our weird little cold grey misty cloudy northwest coast town. that's what you get for living in a temperate rainforest zone. (and mennonite to boot).
so the photo is a plate (or what's left) of coconut prawns with spicy mango salsa in Sayulita. oh. man. exotic, eh? we had hoped to go surfing on the same day, but there was no swell. ah well. guess we'll have to go back.
so tonight, a glass of pinot noir to come off a day of kindergarden. so freaking adorable. so freaking much work! ack. you forget.
K doing graveyard shifts. mildly better than on call. he can come home and sleep during the day. and we're all gone anyway, so he got a good sleep today. at least we get an evening together, which of course means...Downton Abbey!
I know I keep going on about it but it's just that good. Particularly Maggie Smith. Her character is so different from her Harry Potter role, and she really has some of the best lines. She plays an uber-snobby aristocrat. "What is a... weekend?" She has us laughing out loud every episode.
as I type this, K is giving middle son a lesson in drywall. Our sons have ruined more drywall than I care to recount. K has finally decided that it's time they learned how to repair it themselves. This may stem the tide of destruction. at least on this front.

oh those endless summer nights

2012-01-09T22:10:00.000-08:00

Mexico made me miss the summer. The second photo is K. All of us took a turn at para-sailing. Going up and coming down were a rush, but once you are up in the sky, you float as though on a cloud in a beautiful silence. The boys spotted a school of manta rays. The surrounding mountain ranges were so amazing. We come from a valley surrounded by rather large mountains, so I am always happy to meet new ones wherever I go, and when there are none, I feel a little exposed.. a little agoraphobia.
K is on call and girl has a night in the city with friends tonight. It's so strange when it's just the boys and I again. We killed a couple hours at the pool after dinner. Now we're watching a little Corner Gas before bed. It's been a good day.

me and blogging and ale. ahhhhh.

2012-01-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

*now I want to see where you blog!

theophany!

2012-01-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

this is not my parish, but this is a sister parish, and so the faces are familiar and beloved. this is theophany!
*this is on the local news channel, so please excuse the stupid commercial you may have to endure first. it's worth the wait.

ps: also a colouring page if you're so inclined. :)

2012-01-07T18:25:00.000-08:00

an excellent woman I know has been doing some amazing scroll work. she has a facebook page, hopefully this will take you to it. I took pictures for her today. this is just one piece.
it's a quiet night at home. yesterdays pizza night did not happen. we took K's friend out for dinner and drinks as a farewell. pizza tonight. then drinks later on tonight with more colleagues. new to me, old to K. it's good to make new friends. keeps you interesting and humble.
one of the last true gentlemen I know has just gotten married. I have yet to meet his lovely bride, but they have a mutual blog that I think I will visit often (esp. since they live on the other side of our vast cold lovely country).
today was a cleaning day. the kids were thrilled. it feels better. tamed the chaos for this day at least.

five things on a friday:

2012-01-06T14:30:00.000-08:00

I think I'll start carrying my camera around again. I am making no further resolution than that. I know my own limitations and I quickly tire of my images. I realize that this must be part of the process, so at least having it with me allows for more opportunities ~~for mediocrity~~. I had a creative writing teacher once tell me that "you have to wade through a lot of crap to get to the good stuff". I have a low tolerance for crap. I must overcome this. heh. challenge #863.
pizza for dinner. will hobble to grocery store for ingredients. have a great dough recipe. excited. Downton Abbey with K, pizza, glass of wine. I love my life.
looked up info on my ankle sprain. it's not good, but it's not as bad as I thought either. I will be off my feet for a while, but not forever. I tried a swim last night. fail. you know how hard it is to swim using only one leg? I must have looked like a drunk octopus, flailing about and not getting anywhere. so no real exercise for at least 2 weeks. this is going to kill me. I like to eat and exercise means I can eat more! self-control sucks. I suppose it's my own fault for walking on uneven sidewalks in high-heels on new years eve. but it was a great new years eve anyway. fireworks and everything. I'd do it again, but I'd walk back barefoot.
on a more sombre note, a friend in the program with K has thrown in the towel, at least for this year. the group is sorry to see her go. she will start 3rd year again next year in a different city. this program is so brutal, but I guess at the end of the day, you do want your doctors to be rigorously trained. I'm certainly not built for that kind of stress and responsibility. my prayers and good thoughts go with her. I can only imagine what a great relief it must be for her to be able to put down this heavy load, at least for a little while. I know she will be a great doctor someday.
blessing of the waters service this sunday. usually I take lots of photos. we'll see how the ankle does. I am praying for sun.

dispelling winter gloom:

2012-01-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

with Lions Winter Ale. It comes out only for winter, which makes one more thing to look forward to at this 'not much to look forward to' time of year. so thank-you granville island brewing company. just had one with dinner. it was almost as delicious.
hot tub and sauna at the local pool, which is also a salt water chlorinated pool which is nice. not so bleachy. I just sit and let the warmth soak deep into my bones.
fire place. I love a roaring blaze. someday I hope to have a wood fireplace. there's something so comforting about the crackle of a real fire. and the smell is so good.
movies movies movies. what better way to spend indoor time, if you must, escaping into a gripping story. even if your escape only lasts and hour or two. we haven't seen many lately, but we've got a cheap theatre in town now, and I'm eagerly waiting for The Adventures of Tintin to be released there. I grew up reading Tintin. I also would like to see Hugo, it's getting great ratings, Sherlock Holmes, the last one was great, The Muppets, grew up with them too.
good books, though really, these are summer pleasures too, but I suppose this should be included with fire side sitting. I'm almost finished the Game of Thrones series so I'm looking for new reads after that.
spanish education. though our trip is over, my love of the language and culture was definitely cemented during our stay and I've found some great resources to continue this challenge.
creating. photo slideshows, dresses, and perhaps even knitting. I envy knitters, and today I saw the most amazing cowichan sweater a girl was wearing. I was so tempted to hobble over and ask her where she got it, but I could sort of tell that it was one of those wonderful 'made by grandma' sweaters. I would give my left ____ for one of these sweaters. the thought has occurred to me that I could possibly, someday, learn how to knit one. So maybe knitting will be something to while away some fireside time. I do have many knitters for friends.

in which I fell sorry for myself:

2012-01-05T14:55:00.000-08:00

I am really really vexed at this ankle thing!! I'm not used to infirmity (well, at least not until this year). From 2004-2011 I didn't see the doctor once. Now I seem to be in every week. ARG! It is so SO frustrating when your body won't cooperate. I want to go swimming! I want the be hale and hearty! not limping about like the hunchback of notre dame. sigh. these trials are sent to test us.
I am thinking about going back to Quebec this summer on the Explore program. I went 5 years ago and had a great time (apart from serious homesickness halfway through). This time I'm aiming to stay with a host-family instead of dorms. Your french improves much more significantly this way. So we'll see.
We're also celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this summer. wow. that's a long time to be married. and I will just have turned 40. the years how they do fly by. I look back at pictures of our lives together and marvel at the many different chapters that have passed. it feels like I've lived many different lives, and when I see my younger self, I feel for her. And I wish I could tell her not to be so rushed, and so worried. I wonder what my future self would want to say to my present self. hmm...
K is on call tonight. so brutal. he was at the hockey game until 11pm last night and now he'll be up all night. I will be doing a coffee run for him tonight, my poor love.
I am looking for ways to overcome this gloomy weather. any ideas? another trip to sunnier climes perhaps?

*just noticed the spelling mistake in the title, but then upon further reflection, deemed it appropriate. to 'fall' sorry for oneself is a more appropriate way to describe it, don't you agree?

the remains of the day:

2012-01-04T18:40:00.000-08:00

just got turned onto Downton Abbey. I highly recommend it. Though we're only two shows in we are madly in love. Well, at least I am. K is just in 'like' probably, being not quite so quick to jump in as I am... though he did ask me not to watch it without him, which says something.
speaking of which he is not even here tonight for us to watch it!! grrrr. He's at a Canucks game with his sister, brother and dad. Or at least I think he is. He may not even be finished at the hospital yet. This new gig has just as irregular hours as the last. ah well. At least it is more soul-fortifying for him.
worked today with my bad ankle. The doctor (whom I saw yesterday) said it was likely not fractured since I could weight bear, if only just, but she did recommend a tensor bandage which helped. I want to go swimming, but don't know if the poor ankle will take it. maybe I'll go just to sit in the hot tub. If it's not better in two weeks (two weeks?!?!) come back for an ultrasound she tells me. ...two weeks?! gah.
the girl is at work. K is ____. it's just me and the boys tonight. déjà vu.
I did say I'd talk about our vacation in another post. The last post was some photojournalism, so it mostly says it all. But I will say that we had a great time. We took the family to Mexico for Christmas and New Years and it was great, but I don't think I ever want to leave home for Christmas again. That part was so strange.. no tree, no decorations, no baking. Then we went to a Catholic mass for Christmas morning which was uber weird. Not only because we're not Catholics, but also because it was all in Spanish (of course) but it was SO post-vatican II, so double weird, no.. triple weird. (although I do have to say that when they said 'let us exchange the peace' that actually did exchange the peace. that part felt like home). And my spanish lessons came in pretty handy too.
I miss the sun. We came back to rain rain rain. Nevertheless, it is good to be home.

in which I rekindle a love of photography:

2012-01-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

what a year for a new year

2012-01-02T11:50:00.000-08:00

Outside my window - familiarity. we went away for Christmas this year (a story for another post) and coming back gives you new eyes. if only for a little while.

I am hearing - the sound of the kettle boiling for another cup of coffee this morning. a coffee with bailey's in it is a Christmas break tradition, and we are having our first cup as I type this. it tastes like Christmas, it is so delicious.

I am thankful for - a day of no plans. sitting back, uploading memories, maybe creating a slideshow of our family's little adventure...

I am thinking about - what to expect from 2012. 2011 had it's moments, it was hard, but it was the tail end of hard. only good days ahead. and by good, I don't mean easy (never let it be said I expect ease and comfort in my life... I am no longer so foolish as to expect that) but good nonetheless.

I am reading - the fourth book in the "Game of Thrones" series. brain candy.

I am pondering - a nap later on today. yes, definitely a nap.

Around the house - fruit flies. still. though we were gone 10 days and cleared the kitchen of everything that might have fed them, I spotted a lone holdout drifting in the kitchen when we got up this morning. curses!!

We are working on - getting back into the routine of calorie counting and excercise. it was a nice break from it, but I did sort of miss it. it feels good to have the discipline.

A few plans for the rest of the week - new week, new year. kids are back tomorrow. I doubt I will get called for the first day back, but even if I did I could not accept. sprained ankle on the last day. gah. will have it elevated with a bag of ice on it today with a cup of coffee and a movie. this week will be meal planning and laundry.

One of my favorite things - warm sweaters. after almost two weeks of flip-flops, shorts and tank tops, I am back to my pile of warm cozy sweaters. I am wearing an ivory cashmere sweater right now that I found at vv for about $6 (another favourite thing :)

I am looking forward to - dinner with some dear friends later on this week. It is K's birthday today, and we will celebrate with dinner on the weekend.

a blessed new year to all of you.

gorgeous

2011-12-17T10:15:00.000-08:00

"Canadian students Kate Macdonald and Janelle Blanchard recorded a version of Neko Case's brooding "Star Witness" on a school staircase. The result moved Case to tears. "Wow. That just made me bawl my eyes out," she tweeted. "What beautiful singers. I'm not worthy... Holy god. They broke the shit out of my heart!!" Mine, too. They accomplish this with a ukelele, angelic voices, a talent for harmony -- and a mission to save their school." ~the huffington post

memory and regret

2011-12-16T13:09:00.000-08:00

I wish I could remember the time my children were just babies more clearly. I look at pictures of when they were between birth and three (and I have a million photos of all of them), and I marvel at how small, how adorable, how different they were. And it makes me wonder if I enjoyed it enough amidst the busy-ness and sheer exhaustion of it all. I hope I did. But my memory is a bit of a blur.
Did I enjoy it enough? Did I appreciate how fleeting those days would turn out to be? This is where memory betrays me utterly. Because I'm quite sure I did, but what I remember the most is how hard it was. And how bone-weary tired and stretched to my limit I always felt. And how irrational and pukey and stinky and whiny they were. That is unjust, is it not?
Fortunately, I do have enough pictures (smiling pictures even) to prove that there were plenty of good times. To show me that sometimes they were cute, and well dressed, and clean, and smiling, and happy. Hm. Perhaps the mind does this as protection against the urge to have more children. :P
I remember people ooh'ing and aah'ing at them and wondering what the big deal was. It's just a baby, I thought. You see them everywhere. I see this one everyday. Sheesh.
But I get it now, and whenever I'm out and see wee little ones, I have to stop and stare and marvel too. Marvel at just how small and helpless and dependent and needy they are. And how unbearably sweet.

*blogprompt courtesy of thoughtquestion.com

2011-12-16T11:56:00.000-08:00

this is the first day of my vacation. looking forward to sleep-ins and Christmas movies and family time.
I am filling my heart with this, this morning. I find small living very compelling. we live large. that is to say, our house is big and full full full of stuff that needs constant tidying and arranging and sorting and scrubbing and washing. we have a big family (relatively.. is 3 kids a lot? it feels like it). but perhaps this is no excuse. perhaps we just did what we thought we were supposed to do. however, it is done, and there is no undoing the past. to do it differently is a luxury we none of us are permitted.
I am inspired by people who do crazy things. who just rip the box open and start doing, without even reading the directions first. God grant me this kind of craziness.
“[...] the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!' ~Jack Kerouac
I am yearning yearning yearning for my garden again. I have recently discovered the deliciousness of kale chips. what a gift. something that tastes as good (better?) than potato chips and yet is soooo good for you. this is a rare thing. I used to have a very VERY large kale plant. I'd pick off a bunch for dinner and the plant wouldn't even notice. wouldn't even blink, it was so big. then I felt my life was lacking for a dog. this dog loved my gardens. he also loved kale. very much. too much. sigh. so, it seems I can have a dog, or I can have a garden. I cannot have both. ce n'est pas juste. the kale I buy is from mexico. MEXICO!! this is ironic because kale loves the cold weather, and on the west coast, it can grow all winter long. alas. this is making me sad. change of topic please.
I am dreaming of the future. my kids are not long for this nest. this makes me nostalgic for their childhood, but truly I do not miss it. every sunday at church (where the under 5's outnumber us) I am reminded how nice it is that they wipe their own bums now and no longer stretch out all over the place at my feet during liturgy demanding snacks and books and entertainment until I am forced to take them out for a lecture and a spank and miss liturgy. truly, I do not miss those days. it is no easier now, but at least I no longer live in a state of constant physical exhaustion and sleep deprivation. the battle lines are redrawn (and are no less daunting) but we have been tempered for this season.

2011-12-12T16:44:00.000-08:00

nippy outside, but the sun shines down
no 'paid' work today, but conquered a monstrous to-do list
reward myself with hot cup of tea and a slice of Lunar Rhubarb Cake that my mom brought over (it's an old family recipe shared by my mum-in-law)
K on-call tonight sort-of, which is just as well. Just looked up the calorie count for that delicious piece of cake - 420!!! krikey! Looks like I'll be going to the pool to work this one off. (it was so worth it :)
listening to: Bruce Cockburn: Christmas. Makes me wish I were holed up in a snowy cabin somewhere beside a roaring fire. I am not a purist of any sort when it comes to Christmas music, and my repository includes everything from Bony M to Enya, Amy Grant to Bing Crosby. So I'm pretty open to new stuff that comes along. Pink Martini put out a new Christmas album just last year, "Joy to the World", and it is pretty sweet listening. No Santa Baby schlock here. They keep it pretty international. I like that.
and just in case you haven't had a good cry this week, I leave you with this song. The first time I played it for my kids, they were little, and they cried their eyes out. I got pretty teary myself. Middle son used to start crying when it would come on "No!! Turn it off!!" and run from the room with his ears covered. It was the saddest song he'd ever heard and it made him cry every time. My sweet boy.
can y'all recommend any essential Christmas listening?

the christian view of marriage:

2011-12-06T12:46:00.001-08:00

"...that's what a marriage covenant is, it ties you to the mast, to get you through those times. it creates a stability. "

"Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion, but rather the creation of time and will, any marriage happy or unhappy is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate."
~Auden

"If you don't know the discipline of making a promise, and sticking with it, you are not actually a free person. You are a slave to your impulses, to the moment, to your feelings" ~Keirkegaard

"deep character change through deep friendship."

goes well with previous post:

2011-12-06T12:18:00.001-08:00

this also brings to mind a good article by Naomi Klein I recently read, called The American Hangover.
Some good thoughts here.

in which I covet:

2011-12-05T17:34:00.001-08:00

Christmas in Montréal. This is on the list of 'things I must do before I die.
I want a root cellar. We've got a friend who's always talking about his grandma, and her root cellar (yes, this really does come up on conversation.. I'm not sure how). But it makes me so jealous! Her garden grown fruits and vegetables keep for months in her root cellar. There's just something so rustic and wholesome and amazing about this. With all our modern conveniences, we have no way of doing this besides an old-fashioned dug-in-the-dirt root cellar. love it. want it.
a vegetable garden. I have some raised beds, but then I got a dog, and the dog ate it all. and what he couldn't eat he dug up anyway and scattered throughout the yard. le sigh.
a wood stove. there's just something so homey about a fire burning in a wood stove. and practical. my in-laws have one, and the last time we had a days long power outage (what a weird word.. out-age), anyway, they kept warm and toasty and well fed with warm food cooked atop their wood stove the whole time. so jealous. want one.
a sauna (sow-nah I'm told). there's one at our local pool. a dry one. I love to sit in it after a swim and let the heat sink into my bones (I am chronically cold and keep a healthy stock of wool cardigans on hand). I've seen them at Costco, but K scoffs when I suggest we could buy one from there. I admit, it's a little plebian. like buying a wedding dress at walmart. but they discount! ah well.
an awesome pair of cowboy boots. I've got a friend who used to wear these great cowboy boots with everything, jeans, skirts, dresses. I admit, you have to have a certain amount of panache to carry it off, but I'm willing to gamble. I lovelovelove cowboy boots.
ha, I just noticed this list has developed a bit of a theme. Seems the only thing left to add to this list is an acreage for it all. yes please! :D

what has this year taught me?

2011-12-02T09:05:00.001-08:00

remembering this song this morning. It is defiantly celebratory, and listening to the lyrics, you might be struck by how tragic a story it seems, but he isn't broken. It's so good. It fortifies me every time I hear it. And we did. We made it through that year. And we're making it through this year. I'm feeling celebratory. I think I need to focus on more, MORE than just being grateful. But be joyous. Celebratory. Life is trying, life is arduous, kids are draining, worries are persistent, the litany of daily exasperations is relentless, but I am joyous. I am glad. I have stopped, and looked around me, and considered my lot, and I will celebrate. God is good.
career, career. this has been on my mind. do I ponder this here? online? really? well, yes I do. perhaps because so many keep asking me "so, are you wanting your own class?". Maybe someday, but now? As much as I want a hole in the head. I don't want a career right now. Life is busy enough. I have a job. It pays well enough. It may not be clockwork regular, but I like it that way. I suits my nature (I sometimes suspect I have a touch of adhd). Which leads to my next point:
I really appreciate not having deadlines anymore. I'm serious; I do truly and fully appreciate how wonderful it is to not have any exams, papers, reading, looming over me, following me 24/7 like a little black cloud on even the brightest days. Free moments could never be fully enjoyed. I went back to school to finish an undergraduate degree when youngest boy was 4. Then back to finish an education degree after that. Part of me regrets having been in school for so much of their young lives, and mostly what I remember (realizing how faulty memory can be when mixed with present day regret) is how busy life was, and how much of a hurry I was always in. Hurry Hurry Hurry!! It was my mantra. My master. It was unpleasant, and knowing what I know now, would I do it again? I don't know. I appreciate my education. Perhaps I would have done it again, but differently. hmm. All this to say: I'm happy to have no deadlines looming. To have time to parent, though my children are in their teens. Time to drive them hither and thither. Time to drive slowly. Time to sew, to take walks, to read. Time to bake bread and cookies and plan dinners and have people over. Time to take care of med.school husband who has so little time and so many deadlines of his own. Yes, I am exceedingly happy to be done with deadlines, and don't know when I will invite them back into my life. Such an ugly word anyway, isn't it?
expectations: I am shedding them one by one. They are sticky. They don't come off easily. What is expected of me? Whose expectations must compel me? What kind of mother/wife/sister/daughter/parishioner/teacher/friend am I supposed to be? I have come to realize this about myself: that I internalize the expectation of others quite deeply (what I perceive them to be) and berate myself for not meeting those expectations. Am I a good mother? Am I a good matushka? Am I a good daughter? Am I a good friend? The exact requirements I could not name, there is no checklist. It is... nebulous. And my perception is that I fall short time and again. It weighs me down, and I am realizing how crippling it is, and how imaginary. I am shedding these nebulous expectations as best as I can, and learning to forgive myself. I try to be kind, to be self-aware, to really engage with those around me, to love the person in front of me. This is what I can do. This and no more.
the days get shorter as this year winds down. we have been blessed with more than our usual share of sunny days lately, and for this I am grateful. Christmas is shortly upon us, and we have some exciting family plans this year. But more on that in the new year...

am I bored?

2011-12-01T08:34:00.001-08:00

template keeps changing, I know. I like the simplicity of the dynamic views, but then I cannot keep track of the blogs I follow, alas.
went to work yesterday with no voice. a mistake. felt like crap. luckily it was an easy day. most of the kids had their mouths duct-taped. it was 'vow of silence day in honour of children around the world who have no voice'. small mercies :)
just when I think I have crested the hill of this cold, whammo. I am coughing a up a lung. slathered in vick's vaporub. I smell geriatric. all I need is some garlic broth to complete this beauty.
this song is giving me comfort this morning.
today will be spent slaying laundry dragons. wish me luck.

2011-11-29T10:38:00.001-08:00

have had a cold that has been boiling me slowly. latest evolution: no voice. very sore throat. sucking zinc lozenges, which make everything else taste bad but work wonders on the throat.
cannot work, as a result. I don't really feel poorly, I just can't speak and my throat is quite sore.
this comes from having an inner smugness about how infrequently I get sick. :P that'll learn me.
my latest bout with the dreaded streptococcus bacterium makes me that much more appreciative of antibiotics, and I was careful to finish ~~the whole~~ nearly the whole bottle at the stringent urging of med.school husband (minus 2pills, so 9.5days, though I felt 100% better after 1day, I kept up with my pills - *pats self on back*) What on earth did people do before antibiotics? seriously!?
on a more positive note: with the aid of 'MyFitnessPal' and strict calorie counting (even measuring out my vino by the ounce) I have achieved my goal weight. the only downside to that is now most of my pants no longer fit me. there is no point in keeping them as I have no intention of regaining that weight. value village, here I come :)
I've been very grateful to have K home. I remember people commenting how hard it must be, during that time, to be parenting without him, and it was, but when you're in the trenches, you don't actually have a lot of time to think about what it's like to be in the trenches. You just do. Because there is nothing for it. Like being in childbirth. All you are thinking is 'gotta get this baby OUT!' You don't think much, you just 'do'. So, all this to say that yes, in retrospect, these two years past have been excessively difficult, but we made it through, a little worse for wear, but here we are, thanks be to God.
and finally, if Leonard Cohen had a daughter, she would sound something like this:

Life In A Day

2011-11-26T11:31:00.001-08:00

a very sweet film. well worth the time.

2011-11-24T19:30:00.001-08:00

shrimp chowmein for dinner. mmmmmm.
lots of work in elementary schools lately. I like this.
my kids are going through the mandarin oranges like crazy. a box every two days.
latest bedtime read: 2nd book in the 'Game of Thrones' series. fun.
popcorn new old favourite snack. hotair popper just died. popcorn made the old-fashioned way (in a pot on the stove) tastes a lot better we have discovered.
watching Life In A Day tonight. will let you know how it goes. an interesting idea and approach to film-making.

ticking along

2011-11-19T12:04:00.001-08:00

saturday, snow on the ground, sun shining in the sky
girl is reclaiming her piano fingers. it is a good sound
middle son's social life keeps him out most weekends, but his grades are impressive lately, so we cut him lots of slack.
sister and parents in Montréal, in la belle province. Je suis jaloux. Peut-être cet été.. on va voir. J'aime Québec.
parking spot in garage has been reclaimed just in time. big projects now at a finish.. hmm.. sewing room here I come?
K and I just finished Season 1 of "Game of Thrones". It was mesmerizing. I can't wait for the 2nd.
we are in the Nativity Fast, and I am craving sausages and meatloaf and roast chicken and roast beef and... le sigh.
spinach lentil sweet potato soup for dinner, mebbe with herb biscuits.
God has been very good to us, and I am grateful.